MST Time: Tio Juan: Fusion

Anyone remember Metroid High School? The incredibly stupid fic I sporked a year ago that failed at every conceivable level? Well, the suethor was dumb enough to write something that attempts to be a “follow-up” and I put that in quotation marks because it only lasted one chapter and sucks as much as the fic that came before it. So who wants a spork of it? If so, here it is – Tio Juan: Fusion.

Hello everyone once again, thank you for all the reviews that happen still from Metroid High School and the other fics! Im glad you guys like thing so much,

Guess there really is no such thing as bad publicity.

I had fun writing and even though its no steinback its still something, right?

Are you seriously trying to compare yourself on the level of John Steinbeck? The author of “Of Mice and Men”? Oy…

Anyway I know I said I retired but schools almost out in where I am so Ive had an idea for a long time and why not write it? A lot of flamethrowers clamed mhs was bad because samus and ridley were in real life, so what if real peoplr went to metroid?

It’s not that the viewers were upset about. It’s that you paired up two people who are normally mortal enemies in canon into a sickeningly sweethearts type of relationship.

Take that meanies!

Now you’re sounding like a child. Then again, you were eleven when you wrote Metroid High School (twitch)

This is 30 years after Metroid High School happened so its kinda like a sequel but its totally different too so you dont have to read metroid high school to understand the plotting!

Metroid High School didn’t have any plot to begin with.

You'll have to find out and see! Anyway this story wont won’t be too long

It only lasted a chapter before you abandoned it, to the internet’s great relief.

and my little sister Mandy (thats where the name is, lol) is going to help me write parts too but not bad ones because shes she’s youngun LOL.

Somehow I don’t think your sister was much help.

If u guys had ideas for things then let me know but here goes!

Like editing or proofreading?
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Chapter One: Tio Juan Prime

How cute, you think you’re making a shout-out to Metroid Prime. Thing is, that fails because the Metroid game being played in this chapter is Super Metroid.

"Helennn..."

"Tio!!!"

"HELENNNNNNNNN!"

Mexico President Tio Juan woke with eclectic shocks at his desk in mexico city.

At least you got the capital right.

It was thirty years since he lost his girlfriend in the events,

Thirty years and he’s still hung up over his high school girlfriend? Great, now I’m getting flashbacks to “For Better or for Worse”. Don’t do that.

but there was were bigger problems than that! Its been three years since he won the election for the kremlin,

Kremlin? I’ve think you’ve got the wrong word again.

but already it was a crisis.

"President Juan, the government just numbered that half the population is infected with swine flu!" Pablo Tio's advisor clued in the president to the situation.

First you get cholera wrong and now swine flu? Because in order for that to happen, Mexico would have to be one big pig farm to allow for human and pig contact, which I don’t think is the case.

"Ohhh noooooo" the president moaned like a stomach ache.

Maybe he really does have a stomach ache.

Tio Juan was compassioned and cared a lot about his peoples feelings, so hearing that so many of them were infected with diseased was not pleasing to the ear. "But what can we do?" he tested the waters. Pablo just shook his head.

While I shake my head at your continued refusal to use the word said. I don’t care what your teachers taught: said is perfectly fine.

"There just doesnt seem to be a cure but we have to find one or Mexico will die!" Palbo cried out with the weight of the world on his shoulders. His back was about to crack from weight but Tio Juan was reassuring

Most cases of swine flu are not fatal! In fact, swine flu is largely treatable.

"Dont Don’t worry my amigo, we'll find a cure..." Tio juan convinced himself more than Pablo.

"Somewhere...."

“Over the rainbow”

11111111111111111111111111111111111111111

It was 8:00 night at mexican time (AN so in American its just about time for lunch), and Tio Juan was checking in on his son Ricardo. Ricardo wasnt really Tio's son because the poor man never wanted to you know...

Most of the viewers of FF.net are teenagers who likely already know what sex is. You don’t have to use euphemisms.

with anyone except his girl Helen, but he needed a son for presidential family pictures so he adopted Ricardo and loved him quite a bit.

I don’t think “presidential family pictures” are mandatory for presidents.

"Ricardo, I think you should stop now, a storms blowing soon and its dangerous" Tio forewarned the kid who was playing Super Metroid (new systems take long to come out in Mexico).

What’s stopping you from importing the hardware?

After all lightning storms are dangerous and video games, but Ricardo wasnt convinced.

"Screw you Tio Juan, you're not a real dad!" cried Ricardo at the top of his vocal cords.

"I knoww..." Tio Juan dejected as he began to cry too, but little did he know that Ricardo wasn't smarting off about video games or genetics, the kid secretly had swine flu too and if Tio Jan found out that he caught it from a girl he made out at school, he was toasted!

One, swine flu is not like an STD like you believed cholera was. Two, the symptoms of swine flu easily show themselves by making the person sick, and they don’t hide themselves either. Third, how many times am I going to have to repeat that swine flu isn’t exactly fatal until it penetrates your skull?

Just then a huge green lightning bolt from the stormclouds crashed through the windows and zapped up the TVs! The electical storm had began!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH" cried ricardo as the energy serged through the wires into the controller into his body parts

"Ricardo, no!" as Tio Juan charged to his surrogate and grabbed his hands from the controller. But just then, the room started flashing green purple and white and red and blue

Gah! Seizure effect!

and instead of being electrocuted Tio and Ricardso felt themselves levitate and transport from the room!

"I don’t feel goood" the president complained but suddenly the flashing stopped and they looked around and couldnt couldn’t believe their eyes! They were in a completely different location!

"Welcome to the galactic federation" introduced the senator. Ricardo and Tio Juan couldnt believe, but they'd been transported into the galactic senate room from Metroid!

Did this turn into Captain N: The Game Master all of a sudden? What the hell?

It looked kind of like the senate from the United States, but the seats were silver and everything was futuistic and shiny.

With that kind of description, I’m reminded of the senate from Star Wars, not the US senate. Then again, what would a Canadian like myself know about the White House?

"Uhh.. I am Tio Juan president of Mexico from Earth" he introduced to the government, but he still had so many questions about how he got ther and how to get back!

Earth still exists in Metroid. If anything, the senate would probably wonder where Mexico is, since in most future sci-fi stories, the continents no longer had the same names.

"Hmmm, I see" quittered

Couldn’t you have used a better word for this?

the prime minister (AN thats like the president in england and countries for americans who dont understand things).

Stop acting like you know everything about politics. It makes you sound like a condescending little snot.

"Well the transelectrico surges must have gyrolated your Nintendo and caused a chain reactor that teleported you into the game!" the minister treknobabbled,

That should not be a verb. Also, how does the senate know they’re in a fictional universe? It’s a simple question.

but that didnt help Tio Juan out of the problem!

"But what do I do?" Tio Juan crackled in his mexican voice, but the galactic senate just rolled their eyes at the alien (since people from different planets are aliens on earth then earth people are aliens on different planets but Tio Juans an alien anyway because hes from mexico LOL).

Go to your room and don’t come out until you learn how to be racially sensitive suethor!

"There is a way, our scientists invented an ultradisentional reverbial flangerism platform that you can use to get back to your world but the space pirates stole it last week and are probably using it for evil plans" a ggoogly green senator who looked like muk from pokemon broke the news.

For some reason, I imagine Jabba the Hut.

Tio Juan was not giving up so easily though!

No, but I’m guessing that had the story continued, he would’ve done absolutely nothing to actually contribute.

"If we recover the.... uhhh... machine from the pirates can we use it to get home" the Mexican begged the public assembly and they thought he sounded funny but they agreed because they needed it back before the space pirates took over the world!

Don’t you mean galaxy? Either way, of course!

"Ok, its it’s a go then, we'll give you the latest in space technology and weapons to take it back, but we're sending you a parter" the senator made a decleration as a woman bounty hunter entered the room who looked like samus, but when she took off her helmet the Tio Juan couldnt believe his eyes and croaked

"H.... Hee... HeleN????

Insert the dramatic chipmunk here.
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Ok everyone I know thats that’s short but thats just the first chapter theres lots of action and adventure to come! I fanyone has ideas they'd like to give then let me know or if youre a person and you want to be in the story! Thanks and review!

It’s good to see that in the four months between this and Metroid High School, the suethor hasn’t improved at all. It’s probably a good thing she left the internet after that.